I have a Ganglion Cyst in my wrist. I think that's how its spelled. Yipee!!!!

I have to see a surgeon to get it removed. It doesn't hurt but it looks like I'm growing balls on my wrists now. I had some weird boil or infected ingrown hair on my armpit that I have to soak with hot compresses. My ear got infected which is ok now but the Doc said that my ears are impacted with ear wax. Never clean your ears with Q-tips. So, he basically put some TNT in my ear and blew it up. Actually, he just took some weird instrument and plucked it out. It seems that every single old game I have I can't play on the laptop. They crash at very bad times and I cant kick it or thrown it in the pool. I was playing Civilization II, doing well in my war against the Americans (they sneak attacked me so I had to put the smackdown on them) when it said "Civ II has committed an illegal operation. It will need to be shutdown". Great, no problem computer. I understand. Windows XP says all you need to do is enter compatibility mode for a previous Windows edition and everything is ok! Yeah, that works great motherfuckers! My computer guy failed to show up at my house yesterday to pick up my computer with the replacement motherboard and new hard drive. I need to talk to my therapist about my weird nostalgia phase with needing to play games that I played at a young lad.

I have Eight Minutes until I return the computer to my Father.

I'm too busy concentrating on the time I have to write anything. I have nothing important to say. Where is Lukey?!?!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!@??@?@?!@?!?@!?!??@!@??! When I set up his laptop for him, I made his login name "Emperor Dad" and put a picture of Emperor Palpatine for his pic. Luckily, he doesn't really get Star Wars to get pissed off at me.

I have Eight Minutes until I return the computer to my Father.

I'm too busy concentrating on the time I have to write anything. I have nothing important to say. Where is Lukey?!?!?!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!@??@?@?!@?!?@!?!??@!@??! When I set up his laptop for him, I made his login name "Emperor Dad" and put a picture of Emperor Palpatine for his pic. Luckily, he doesn't really get Star Wars to get pissed off at me.

Let's go firebomb something.

I had to buy a goddamn new motherboard for my piece of shit Dell computer then have to pay for someone to replace it. I tried to play Warcraft II, which I played way back when right before Shirley and the boys released Garbage the self titled classic, but of course that doesn't work on my father's laptop for some reason. It requires nothing and could be played on some rickety ancient piece of shit but it crashes on my Windows XP Dell brand new laptop. It said my cd was corrupt and couldn't install the files properly. Since Blizzard doesn't sell it anymore, I had to go to Amazon.com to find it. Now it installs but when it tests the music, nothing happens even though it says device detected. The when it runs, it crashes to the desktop. You may go fuck yourself laptop. You may go fuckself, Michael Dell. You may go fuck yourself, Bill Gates. You may go fuck yourself, Microsoft. You may go fuck yourself, idiotic Dell technical support. You may go fuck yourself, Windows. On a plus note, I found a bunch of really nice Shirley pictures that I bought on ebay which I can then pleasure myself to. I then found a website where I can really nice posters of Shirley and even a new mousepad of her. Go to iceposter.com and search her name. Or anyone else for that matter.

Let's go firebomb something.

I had to buy a goddamn new motherboard for my piece of shit Dell computer then have to pay for someone to replace it. I tried to play Warcraft II, which I played way back when right before Shirley and the boys released Garbage the self titled classic, but of course that doesn't work on my father's laptop for some reason. It requires nothing and could be played on some rickety ancient piece of shit but it crashes on my Windows XP Dell brand new laptop. It said my cd was corrupt and couldn't install the files properly. Since Blizzard doesn't sell it anymore, I had to go to Amazon.com to find it. Now it installs but when it tests the music, nothing happens even though it says device detected. The when it runs, it crashes to the desktop. You may go fuck yourself laptop. You may go fuckself, Michael Dell. You may go fuck yourself, Bill Gates. You may go fuck yourself, Microsoft. You may go fuck yourself, idiotic Dell technical support. You may go fuck yourself, Windows. On a plus note, I found a bunch of really nice Shirley pictures that I bought on ebay which I can then pleasure myself to. I then found a website where I can really nice posters of Shirley and even a new mousepad of her. Go to iceposter.com and search her name. Or anyone else for that matter.

The Quinn Family Vacation Saga Episode III-This pizza better taste REAL FUCKING good yo.

Friday, I forget when. I think last week. I'm depressed cause I can't see Shirley. Because I have no computer and can't write anything I planned to do this summer, I waste my time playing games on the X-box. I beat Jade Empire, playing the role of some ripped steroid taking half naked Asian dude fighting ghosts and saving an empire from the evil clutches of my former master. This shit happens all the time in my real life so it was real easy to beat. The family wants to do something together. Great, we've only been up each other's asses all week. So we decide on a movie. We travel in the Quinnmobile so the Palisades Mall to the theater there. Basically in Rockland we have a giant rock and a giant mall. Anyway, my sister wants to see The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I enjoyed it as did we all. Usually, someone falls asleep or gets pissed off saying, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?!@!@1" Then, we go to Martios Pizza. They make brick oven pizza but the wait is over twenty minutes. My Dad gets pissy and says lets go, we'll eat pizza somewhere else. "WHAT THE FUCK! I WANT BRICK OVEN PIZZA!!@!@!" "If this pizza tastes like horse shit on a hot day, I'll be very unhappy". My sister then closes the door on my brother's foot. He gets pissy. It was an accident of course. We go to get pizza, which tastes really good. I buy V for Vendetta on dvd with the comic...graphic novel.... included. I allow my father not to feel my wrath. The End.

P.S. My Mom writes with her finger on the table of the pizza place. She spells out shave since I had this Duke beard. I spell out, "fuck off". I'm channeling the essence of Sir Shag a Lot.

The Quinn Family Vacation Saga Episode II-Lauren please move your ass three centimeters to the right so I can move my legs and allow my balls some air

The next day. I wake up at the crack of dawn, my parents are already up. I lay in bed when some loud explosion comes out of my brother's ass. I decide to wake up for good then. Brush teeth, get ready to get breakfast. Order bacon, hashbrowns, pancakes since I didn't really eat much the day before and I was hungry yo. Anyway, the waitress who was nice but sort of bitchy at the same time, gave me my pancakes with butter on them. I said I didn't butter. She said they just assume everyone wants it and puts it on there. She broke one of Yoda's prime sayings, "Do not assume anything". She wants me to scrape it off, I say never mind. She then brings out plain ones, although I'm assuming she had some guy wipe his ass with it. I put a lot of syrup on them just in case. Go back to the room and get packed up since we must leave by 11:00 a.m. Go to the beach. Repeat same process as the day before. We then go to the big ass waterslide that we haven't been to in a long time. First we go in the "Crazy Lazy River", which is about as exciting as watching paint dry. (LOOK AT THAT FUCKING PAINT DRY!! GO PAINT GO!!!) The we go on the 4 year old slide, which I have to push myself down cause we all got stuck. The onto the big ass one. Go on my tube go down, pick up too much speed towards the end that I flip over completely into the pool. Repeat the same process for awhile, always flipping at the end. Slide 6 goes down in complete darkness then I think I did two flips into the pool on that one. Noone warned me so I was like, "What the fuck happened"? After that we go to minature golf. I come in second since my sister cheated on two holes. Those holes were rigged since they seemed to just not want to enter the hole. Someone needs to make a golf course where all the holes are in between chicks legs. Then onto the car ride home after dinner. Listen to Version 2.0 and Garbage in the car. Can't fall asleep till 1 a.m. The End.

The Quinn Family Vacation Saga Episode I-Are We There Yet?

Monday, Planet Earth. My house. My Dad wants to go to Long Beach Island for the epic family yearly vacation. Since we have no shore house anymore, we must rent out a room in a hotel in Manahawkin, New Jersey. It's right near our old house too, doesn't look much different. Still it was weird being there and not being in the house that we've had since I was a little kid. Anyway, my progenitor had his wisdom teeth taken out and was being a real pain in the ass around the house so we didn't know if we were going anywhere. Plus, we had to share one room, the five of us. I told my brother he could sleep in the bathroom tub, the floor, or on this little chair. Anyway, he got medicine and stopped being a "pill". So I woke up at 5:30 in the morning for the two hour drive, on Tuesday. Still Planet Earth. Since I have a reputation for being a pain in the ass in the car since I usually have to pee 15 minutes in, I am required to "not be a pain in the ass". So, I just listen to my cds for the car ride. Problem was, my headphones broke the day before. So I had to buy new ones. I'm glad they broke, they were going for awhile and now the music sounds perfect now. I can't believe I was listening to Bleed Like Me with those crappy headphones, it's like listening to it for the first time again. Anyway, I listened to Bleed Like Me and Beautifulgarbage in the car. We put pictures of our cat Jody in the car since we all felt bad about leaving her alone with my Grandma. We get to the hotel, a Holiday Inn. We go to our room. I inquire about how much porno we can order on the tv until my suggestion gets shot down by everybody. We go to the beach. Sand and water. I spent a few hours in the water, ate lunch then read on the sand. Plus, I had ice cream. For some reason we always get a spot where the people in front of me are middle aged pasty hairy overweight white guys. Scouting out chicks while reading a Star Wars comic book (Sorry, they're called graphic novels now) doesn't work since the stomachs of the hairy white men laying down I think hid me from them. Anyway, back to the hotel. Shower, attempt to convince my Dad to sleep on the floor so I can have the bed to myself. Watch The X-Files while I wait for everyone to bathe. Figured out how to use the shower all by myself. Read all the porno movie titles and genres. Accidentially ordered a movie that was not a porno, charging 12 bucks to the bill. Daddy was real happy about that one. Off to Burger King, then the Fantasy Island Amusement Park. Rides, Arcades, nausea oh my! Spent a nice chunk of quarters on the Star Wars Trilogy Arcade game. They turned the damn place into a mini fake Atlantic City, there are no games anymore practically. Spent twenty bucks getting Spongebob and Patrick stuffed animal things. Go on the Tilt a Whirl, make everyone sick. I go on the kiddie roller coaster when I discover I feel like throwing up. I spend the rest of the night sick while my sister and brother go on the Dragon, the ferris wheel and the Scrambler. I'm getting too old of this shit it seems. Go back to the hotel. My Dad falls asleep. My mom, sis, and bro go on one bed. I start running around the room to burn off excess energy. I put a pillow on my Dad's head so I don't get scared when I wake up. I don't fall asleep for awhile. My brother and I keep laughing making stupid jokes and pissing everyone off. End of day. Episode II will resume soon.

WHERE'S MY COMPUTER?! I WANT IT! IT'S MINE!

If my hard drive went to the shitter, then that means all my Shirley pictures and Garbage stuff is gone. Not to mention all my word documents, computer games, porno, movies, videos, saved internet websites, songs all gone. So everyone pray to whatever entity you believe in, God, Buddha, the Force, Xenu, Satan, whatever for the safe health of my hard drive. I will then sell my soul to this entity for the deleted footage of Natalie Portman naked in "Closer". Kthxbye.

I was not doped up during my horrible ear infection. My mind usually just rambles like this, so what you see is what you get. In therapy, I practice free association. So whatever comes to the surface, I decide to type. Usually I think about shit like Shirley in her short skirts, what the future will hold for my life ( world famous director? Making f-grade action films with Tonya Harding? Being a clinical social worker? Picking up dog shit for a living if my f-grade action films don't get popular in Malaysia?), will my girlfriend be flesh and blood or an android, and finally totally having to come to terms with the fact if I had to choice between the Jedi Order and having lots of sex with Miss Portman, like red lightsaber here I come. You now have a glimpse into my brain. Have fun psychoanalyzing what I just wrote.

I think Mel Gibson doesn't like Jewish people.

Edit-I totally forgot about this weird dream I had about Shirley. I met her when she performed her solo show tour, but it was at my old catholic grade school. She had her short blonde hair, not red. My mom says people with red hair and who are famous denotes sadness. I wonder if I sort of am reaching the point where I am happy and not bound by my old self anymore. Anyway, she signed something for me and was really nice to me. It was nice. It was very vivid and colorful, so it stuck with me when I woke up. I usually always dream of Shirley with her red hair. (Yes, I dream of her a lot and no she isn't always naked.)

Lastly, do you guys think it be worth mailing a copy of my short film to Smart? I was thinking of printing out that pic of Shirley when she judged that music contest with the sign that says "Without a doubt" and paste it on there since on the cover of the dvd I labeled it as "Halloween IX-The Revenge of a Stupid Girl" A Shitty Film by: Shaun Quinn.

Jaime, Tatooine is the desert planet where Anakin Skywalker was born and his son Luke raised.

So my computer problem remains. I now have to try and backup my hard drive onto a new one, then attempt a system restore to its factory setting. Dell was about as helpful as constipation. Dell is an evil corporate Trade Federation like entity that will destroy the world. Or something. So far all they destroyed is my computer but who knows when their rampage of terror will end? Anyway, I guess I'm not going to Atlantic City. The complicated process of taking a bus to the Port Authority in New York City to Atlantic City, New Jersey can't work since I will never make the bus back in time and we can't stay overnight in a hotel. I really wanted to see Shirley because I am an obsessive compulsive but it's probably not worth it anyway. Just have to wait till her solo tour. Or the hopeful wish we all have of the Garbage reunion tour. Damnit Patty, yellow is the scourge of my humanity. I'm stuck with a goddamn yellow crystal in my lightsaber for Knights of the Old Republic II and I can't find a damn red one!!! I'm a Sith Lord running around with a yellow double-bladed lightsaber. Luckily, there are other things in life to worry about but still.... When the hell did the game designers get the idea people want yellow lightsabers since thats all the crystals I've found so far this game? Hopefully I'll have my computer soon and I can stop having dirty stares when I say, "I need the laptop to talk to my virtual friends".